"When Love Waits: How the Same Gift Can Land Differently"

Two hands holding the testimonial

When Daniel's book "The Miracle of Connection" was published in October 2023, I created a heartfelt video testimonial. I spoke about our 40-year journey, my transformation from being a stranger to myself to discovering "I am someone much more profound," and how his work had been central to that evolution. It was comprehensive, personal, and deeply felt.

Daniel received it and explained that while he valued what I'd shared, he was looking for brief, pointed acknowledgments for promotional purposes. My testimonial was "too personal and put too many things together" for what he needed at the moment. He was feeling disconnected from the book and dreading the marketing that followed. He saved the video in a folder for perhaps future use.

I felt the sting of mismatch. My offering hadn't served the purpose I'd hoped. The old part of me wanted to argue: But don't you see how meaningful this is? I am the first real student of your work! Don't you understand what I'm witnessing?

Instead, I recognized this feeling was mine to process. His practical needs for the book's promotion were valid, even if they didn't align with my impulse to offer deep personal testimony. The threshold moment: Was I trying to get him to appreciate my gift in a specific way, or could I let my love stand on its own?

What I hadn't realized until just a few days ago was what I was actually looking for back then. I was looking for awe. I was looking for devotion. I was looking for acknowledgment of a road uncharted that had guided me (and us) for decades.

While I chose to trust my offering at the time, what I didn't recognize was the utility my account of that moment would have for my future. That awareness has generated much more pregnant potential and relational space.

Three Years Later I Realized How Love Waits: The Same Gift Landed Differently.

Nearly three years later, in August 2025, I printed out that same testimonial and handed it to Daniel in written form.

When love waits: how the same gift can land differently. This time, he wasn't evaluating it for marketing purposes. He could receive it simply as what it was: an insightful witness to our shared journey and his life's work.

He read slowly through my words about staying with myself through dark places, about discovering the mystery of self-relationship, about our "sacred cocoon." When he finished, his response was entirely different.

"You shared your journey with me in such a deep and reflective way, capturing the essence of our love and bond. I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't sure if it was a testimonial I was reading. I was slowly taking it in, feeling my barriers melt, and allowing myself to receive this gift. And then, you suddenly leaped—it was a testimonial! You did write a testimonial! It was so good—just what I was looking for: some heartfelt impact from having read the book and being transformed by it! So many gifts I received; I can't count them all. You gave me the greatest gift you could have given me—the gift of you. And it was personal to me. It was also a phenomenal testimonial—it's going to be a front runner for the book, an invitation to read the book. I realized how checked out I must have been when I read your note the first time to have missed so much, but I got it three years later—from the archive to the foreground of my consciousness!"

The same words, the same love. But now he could receive it for what it had always been—not a promotional tool, but a love letter appreciating him and our decades of growth together.

What I Learned About Trusting Relational Space

This is what trusting relational space looks like to me now in practice: It looks like sacred utility. When love waits: the same gift can land differently.

Understanding different purposes - his need for promotional materials versus my desire to offer deep reflection.

Not taking practical decisions personally - his folder filing wasn't a rejection of my love, unless I made it so.

Allowing timing to reveal value - some offerings serve different purposes at different moments.

Holding space for both/and - my testimonial could be both unsuitable for promotion and deeply meaningful.

The space between us held my offering until the right moment for it to be received as intended. Not dramatic transformation, just the natural rhythm of how different needs and different timing can coexist in long-term relationship.

Sometimes love waits for the right purpose to meet the right moment. This knowing had been dormant (or unconscious) until three days ago!

Daniel reflected later: "I was in a clean slate state of mind when I happened to stumble upon it unexpectedly and not only piqued my interest, I had gotten excited, as if I just found the greatest testimonial for my book, from my wife no less, that included her own personal and transformative experience she went through from being with me and being in our 40-year relationship, as well as what she actually learned and used in her life from the book itself. She hit the trifecta as she turned her testimonial into her expression of love and appreciation for me. Now I want to use her testimonial as an attachment to the book for marketing or promotional purposes!"

Perhaps trust means recognizing that our offerings can be valued even when they don't serve the immediate need. The space between us holds many purposes, and timing reveals which one is ready to be met.

About the Authors: Taye Bela Corby and Daniel Linder, MFT have been exploring intimate relationship for over 40 years. This story demonstrates principles from Daniel's book "The Miracle of Connection: The Birth and Life of an Intimate Relationship" and Taye's work with optimal energetic boundaries in relationships.