Because for anyone in an intimate relationship, the feeling of anger is an important messenger! Anger tells you a lot about how you are really feeling.
First, it’s important to understand why you would get angry.
Usually it is because something seems unfair to you or someone you love. Furthermore, the sense of unfairness will usually feel justified. Notice if, even when you’re feeling guilty for feeling angry, there’s also another part of yourself saying, “Yeah, but I’m right!”
Many well-meaning people tell you not to be angry, to “get over it,” “be positive,” and often you're told you're “supposed to forgive”. That sounds great, but it’s not that easy to really let go and forgive while anger is coursing through your system. It is especially difficult to let go of anger when the person treating you unfairly isn’t sorry, or when you feel as if you have no power in the situation.
If you would just let the anger talk to you, it would probably say, “This is so unfair, I was wronged!” "I was dishonored."
I believe anger to be energy that when directed with higher intelligence can generate the motivation and readiness you require to act in a new way. I believe
that you can take better emotional care of yourself when you access the information from your own anger.
Your very life force can serve to pinpoint exactly what is so important to you and that awareness is good thing!
If you are willing to consciously, “Rant...” “This is unfair”, the next sentence would most probably be, “I deserve better!” This is good!
Rather than bump up against your inner critic who says, “You don’t deserve it!”
When you honor your anger, you just may discover your anger is empowering you
to take a step forward!
The crappy things in that you were once putting up with give rise to changes that are much more in keeping with a higher sense of deserving. “HEY, I do deserve better!” "What is one teeny step I can take right now towards a more preferred outcome"?
When you raise your deserving level, you open up possibilities to encounter new experiences.
When you utilize your anger as a relationship tool in order to discover what feels unfair to you, there is a huge upside to move beyond it. You are potentiating the action step, perhaps set a new boundary or communicate to someone something you’ve withheld.