"Optimal Energetic Boundaries in Relationships with help from The Unseen Therapist“A Transformational Practice”

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Opening: The Sacred Space of Discovery

I feel very grateful to explore with you Optimal Energetic Boundaries with help from The Unseen Therapist

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A little background: Every relationship I witnessed growing up ended in divorce.

As a young child, I could never understand how people who loved each other could wind up being so cruel to one another.

My broken heart led me to try fixing the people I loved, doing everything to avoid feeling the pain of disconnection.

I’m sure you know that feeling… when you leave certain conversations completely drained?

Or when you find yourself walking on eggshells, changing who you are to keep the peace?

That's what I lived with for many years—constantly giving my energy away or absorbing others' emotions as if they were my own.

My breakthrough came when I realized I could feel all my emotions within my own space without spilling them onto others.

What I mean by this is learning to contain my feelings—not suppress them, but hold them as valuable information that belongs to me, rather than making them someone else's problem to solve.

So What Are Energetic Boundaries? What are optimal Energetic Boundaries in Relationship?

Before we go deeper, let me explain what I mean by "energetic boundaries."

Think of your energy as your life force—your emotional presence, your attention, your care, your mental focus. We all have a limited amount each day.

Energetic boundaries are about how we manage this precious resource specifically in relationship.

Unlike physical boundaries that are about space and touch, energetic boundaries are about where your emotional responsibility ends and another person's begins.

They're about how much of yourself you give away versus how much you keep anchored within your Self.

Poor energetic boundaries might look like:

• Feeling responsible for everyone's happiness.

• Absorbing others' moods as if they were your own.

• Giving advice when people just need to be heard.

• Feeling guilty for having needs.

• Losing yourself in a relationship.

Support from The Unseen Therapist

I understand The Unseen Therapist is not a person you can see or touch, but rather a loving, inner intelligence—what some might call intuition, inner wisdom, or divine guidance. For me, she represents that part of higher consciousness that sees clearly, heals gently, and never judges.

When The Unseen Therapist entered my life in 2014, I began experiencing her as a consistent, loving presence that helps me navigate the complex terrain of my closest relationships.

She doesn't fix my problems for me, but she illuminates patterns I can't see on my own and gently guides me toward more Self nourishing choices.

I am aware that you already have access to The Unseen Therapist, perhaps similarly—that quiet voice that knows the truth, that part of you that sees through the drama to what really matters.

Bringing the Unseen Therapist to life right now is my way of sharing, honoring and subjectively working with that wisdom.

The Foundation: Two Relationships in Every Connection

Here's what The Unseen Therapist taught me: In every relationship, there are actually two relationships happening—the relationship I have with myself and the relationship I have with the other person.

Most of us, though probably not this group, focus only on the external relationship while neglecting the internal one.

But here's the key insight: the most primary relationship is always the one I have with my Self.

When I tend to this relationship first, I show up more whole and authentic in all my other relationships.

What I mean by the relationship with my Self is how well I know my own feelings, needs, and boundaries in any given moment.

How compassionately I treat myself when I make mistakes.

How honestly I can assess my patterns and triggers.

This inner relationship becomes the foundation for everything else.

The Unseen Therapist has helped me learn that when I give slightly more energy to my relationship with myself—let's say about 51%—I can maintain my center while still being genuinely available for connection with others.

The Threshold Moment: A Choice Point

Let me paint a picture of what I call the threshold moment—that split second where unconscious patterns meet conscious choice.

Imagine you're in a conversation and suddenly you feel that familiar pressure building inside. Maybe it's anger that wants to blame, hurt that wants to be rescued, or fear that wants to be soothed by another person.

My nervous system is literally designed to seek relief through connection, so the impulse to discharge these feelings onto the other person is almost automatic.

But what if, in that exact moment, I could pause (for just a couple of seconds) and ask: "Is this feeling mine to feel and process, or am I trying to make someone else responsible for fixing it?” If I’m feeling it, I believe it’s my pain to assess, but not necessarily mine to resolve.

This is what I mean by "being willing to open up to my pain as mine."

Instead of projecting it—making my discomfort someone else's fault or responsibility—I turn toward it with ownership.

This requires tremendous courage because oftentimes the pressure is so strong, it’s difficult to contain, but I have found that’s where real transformation happens.

I used to try working out unresolved pain from my past within the space of present relationships, unconsciously pulling others into emotional territory that was never theirs to navigate. And visa versa. Allowing myself to be drawn into other people’s problems when they are not mine to attend to.

Instead of bringing relief, this approach kept me circling through the same charged patterns, reinforcing the very pain I longed to heal.

Essential Questions for Authentic Presence

The Unseen Therapist has guided me to these essential questions that help me stay authentic in my relationships, specially the primary ones.

Am I using this relationship to work out my personal problems? Or am I coming with a clear heart, genuinely available to connect?

How accurately am I representing myself right now? Am I aware of my patterns? Can I tell when I'm over-giving to avoid conflict, or when I'm making everything about me?

What am I feeling in this moment, and does it belong to me or someone else? Have I given myself permission to have needs?

Can I speak my truth without making it cost the other person?

These aren't questions to judge myself with, but gentle check-ins that help me stay conscious and connected to what's actually happening inside me.

The Geometry of Optimal Energetic Boundaries in Relationship

Through years of practice and observation, I've discovered what feels like an optimal energetic balance in healthy relationships.

Instead of giving 100% of yourself to the relationship (which leads to losing yourself) or building walls to protect yourself (which prevents real intimacy), there's a middle way.

Each person gently leans toward the shared space—offering about 49% of their energy outward toward connection and co-creation.

The other 51% stays anchored within—maintaining your center, your truth, your individual wholeness.

What this looks like practically:

• I'm fully present and engaged, but I don't disappear into your experience

• I care about your feelings without making them my responsibility to fix

• I can be influenced by you without losing my own perspective

• I offer my authentic self while staying rooted in my own truth

Together, this creates what I call a 200% field of possibility—two whole people overlapping in healthy connection rather than two half-people trying to complete each other.

Building the Bridge of Authentic Connection

The Unseen Therapist teaches me that real connection happens when two whole people—"me" and "you"—build a bridge that creates an "us."

This bridge is built through:

• Showing up authentically rather than performing who I think you want me to be

• Being aware of my own patterns instead of focusing only on yours

• Being willing to be truly seen in my imperfection and humanity

When I maintain this balance, something beautiful happens. The space between us becomes what I call sacred—a co-creative field where both people can be real, where new possibilities can emerge, where love can flow without anyone losing themselves.

This space feels pregnant with potential and nourishing at its very core. It's worth protecting.

Practical Guidance from The Unseen Therapist

In daily life, The Unseen Therapist helps me in very practical ways:

When I notice myself blaming or judging, she helps me pause and redirect my attention back to what's mine to feel and process.

When I'm triggered, she guides me to the level of emotional protection I need while staying open to connection.

When I'm misunderstood, she reminds me I can return to her for clarity and consistency, even when I can't access that wisdom in the heat of the moment.

She teaches me to stay on my side of relational energy—taking care of my emotions, needs, and responses while allowing others the dignity of handling their own.

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Let's take a moment to explore this experientially with The Unseen Therapist. Connect inwardly with whatever represents loving wisdom for you—whether you call it The Unseen Therapist, your higher self, or simply your deepest knowing.

[Pause briefly]

1. Settling In

Close your eyes if that feels comfortable. Bring awareness to your breath. Notice its natural rhythm. No need to change anything. Just breathe... and notice...

[Pause briefly]

2. Meeting Your Wholeness

Imagine yourself as complete and luminous. Feel your inner stability—your capacity to feel, to choose, to know what's true for you. Let yourself arrive fully here, connected to your own center.

[Pause briefly]

3. Inviting Another

Now imagine someone you're in relationship with—someone current or from memory. See them a few feet away, also whole and complete, carrying their own story and experience.

[Pause briefly]

4. Sensing the Space Between

Notice the energy field between you. It belongs to neither of you alone—it's the shared space of your connection. Does it feel balanced? Heavy in one direction? Open? Constricted?

[Longer pause]

5. Recalibrating with Wisdom

Invite your inner wisdom into this space. What does it want you to see about your energetic presence? What small adjustments might create more balance—so that love, truth, and authentic connection can flow more freely?

[Longer pause]

Questions for Your Journey

As you begin experimenting with optimal energetic boundaries, consider:

Where in your life might your energetic balance have become distorted? Are there relationships where you give too much or hold back too much?

What would it look like to maintain 51% of your energy within yourself while still being genuinely available for connection?

How might working with your own inner wisdom change the quality of your relationships?

Remember: The goal isn't perfect balance, but growing awareness that allows you to make conscious adjustments. Every moment offers a new opportunity to return to your optimal energetic boundaries with yourself and others.

Experiment. Explore. Sense. Allow. Embrace. Receive. Share.

Your willingness to work with inner wisdom is one doorway to assess your true, changing experience in any moment and feel the full range of what it means to be authentically human in relationship.